If you’re waiting to date until you’ve lost weight, this message is for you. First and foremost, I’ve been there before. It’s not easy putting yourself out there when you’re feeling uncomfortable in your body. But it’s self-destructive, and we’re here to help you knock that right off – because you deserve it. So let’s get started on why you shouldn’t be waiting to date until you’ve lost weight – and what you should actually be doing instead.
Just like the header says, this is a bad goal to have. Why? Because it’s subjective. It’s arbitrary. It’s never going to be the perfect time. And how exactly are you defining the perfect time to date? Is it when you’ve lost five pounds, 10 pounds, 20 pounds? Is it when you buy more dating clothes? When you get a handle on your hair situation? When you learn how to do your makeup?
The point I’m making here is it’ll never be the right time because there will always be something else you can improve. You’ll never live up to your unrealistic expectations. And regarding weight loss? Chances are you won’t lose the weight – all you’ll lose are years of not being absolutely adored. No, thanks.
The longer you wait to date, the more space you place in between you and love. You certainly don’t have to date, but you’re reading this because it’s likely you want to date. And if you want something, you deserve to have it! But you won’t get anything sitting on the sidelines, not putting yourself out there.
So, what? You lose weight, you become this more acceptable version of you, and you start dating. Does that absolve you of rejection? Hell, no! It’s likely you will be rejected one time or another despite the weight loss.
And let’s be real, the reason why you want to lose weight is because you feel like who you are currently isn’t good enough. Maybe you want to be more presentable, and you’ve attached that thought to a weight loss solution. The reality is you can become more presentable with so many other ways rather than weight loss. Basic hygiene goes a long way! So does wearing things you love, learning a few makeup tips, and having a life filled with hobbies and interests.
You also might be shying away from dating as a defense mechanism. You reject it before anyone rejects you. This is totally understandable, but it isn’t serving you. This response isn’t placing you in a state of love and receiving.
Research suggests that diets simply don’t work. Research also suggests that yo-yo dieting, or weight cycling, can lead to a higher weight overall in the long run. Trying to lose weight is kind of like a self-fulfilling prophecy. You want to lose weight, but the actual act of attempting to do so will actually make you gain more in the long run.
Okay, so you’re going to stop waiting to date until you’ve lost weight. But you still aren’t feeling as confident as you’d like. This is totally normal and how almost every human feels before they jump into dating. You are not alone! I have a few things I want you to keep in mind as you prepare yourself mentally to begin dating.
A shift in perspective is key. When we focus on trying to lose weight, we force ourselves into a scarcity mindset. This keeps us from making choices that serve us. Instead, we make choices that further restrict us. Shift from trying to lose weight to trying to move more and feel better about food. Developing a healthy relationship with food will help you reach your body’s natural set point, helping you live optimally. Moving your body will help you build strength and confidence, and it’ll release endorphins that’ll boost your mood.
Focusing on the weight you haven’t lost puts you in a scarcity mindset. It’s an “I don’t have” mentality. Instead, shift your thinking to what it is you do have. What are your strengths? Are you witty, hilarious, philosophical, analytical, fun-loving, or all of the above? What are some physical features you love about yourself? Is it your cute nose, your piercing eyes, your thick hair, or your long legs?
Take a sticky note and take a seat. Write down five character traits you love about yourself. Now add five physical traits you adore about yourself. Put this sticky note on your bathroom mirror. Read it every day. If the sticky note falls off, reinforce it with tape. Commit to treating yourself more kindly. Commit to being your best cheerleader! You deserve to commit to building yourself up.
It’s so easy to worry about whether you are going to be impressive enough or good enough. But, angel! Do you realize you are the mother effing prize? You are because of those things you wrote down on your sticky note – and so much more.
Instead of glorifying the person on the other end of the date, glorify yourself. They are lucky to be in your presence. They are lucky they get to enjoy you. Your date is damn lucky to laugh at your jokes and learn about your life story. You’re a blessing to their day! Believe it.
When we shift our perspective and realize we are the prize, we put ourselves in the driver’s seat of our emotions. Instead of trying to impress the other person, step into your confidence and be yourself. Who you are naturally is worthy of love and affection, and a date is your time to determine whether they are worthy of the same. It’s not the other way around. Go into it like that!
We aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s a good thing. Not every person you go on a date with is going to want a second one, and that’s okay. The more comfortable you get with that being a possibility, the better you’ll be able to handle it when it happens. And trust me, it’ll happen.
It’s important to treat yourself to things that make you feel good in your body – as long as they’re within your budget, of course! If you’re still holding on to clothes that don’t fit you, it’s time to either donate them, sell them, or put them in a box underneath your bed. Purchase 3-5 items that fit really well on the body you have now.
Are your clothes covered? Cool. Maybe there’s a fancy lip stain you love. Get it before your first date! Or maybe you’ve been eyeing a new perfume. Snag it before your next night out. Obsessed with yoga? Buy a membership and make the commitment to go weekly! Begin cultivating a life that celebrates you and includes things you enjoy. Sooner or later, someone will want to be a part of that fun.
When we free ourselves from the chains of needing to lose weight, we open up opportunities to do the things we want so badly. When we accept where we are and who we are now, we realize how deserving we are of happiness. Just as we are. What are some other things you deal with when it comes to losing weight and gaining more confidence? Let me know in the comments! I’d love to hear from you.